In 1992, author Gary Chapman wrote the best-selling book, The Five Love Languages. In it he describes the five main ways we show heart felt commitment to our spouse. These five love languages are defined as receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch. The content of this book has helped thousands of couples as they’re empowered to better understand each other and how to connect in an accurate way. If you’re married or engaged, I strongly recommend this book as it will help reveal insights about yourself and about your spouse; therefore, when practiced, it will make your marriage be stronger.
But like anything that matters, this takes effort and consistency.
Our instincts want others to connect in our way and we want them to accept how we show love, even if it’s not their love language. This is one of the reasons why this is not automatic in our marriages because we’re wired to see things our way and to do things our way. The problem with this is obvious and yet this mistake is made over and over again. Furthermore, this reveals the deeper issue we all have to face and that’s being self-centered.
In fact, most of our conflicts are rooted in selfishness at some level.
It’s one or both people insisting on their way and demanding it happens now. When this takes place, conflict, division and strife are bound to happen. When I think of this scenario I think of this picture. It’s two people in two different rooms, they’re fighting to get their way and refusing to connect where the other person is. From this stubbornness comes anger, bitterness, disconnection and ultimately a dead love. Notice, both parties thought their room was the right one to be in and so they didn’t move because all they looked at was themselves.
If you find yourself in this place today, please do something about it. Don’t let time go by leaving you with missed moments, missed years and a missed love. God has better for us and when we humble ourselves toward our spouse, we’ll make adjustments in our relationship. This is where we win and this is where we can be healed. There’s nothing you’re facing, that God can’t do something about it. He’s All-Powerful and He’s able to mend your hearts and show His destiny for you.
However this picture reflects even a greater challenge with God.
What is God’s love language?
After all He’s the creator of humanity, so if He gave us a love language, then I believe He has one to. But, just like the challenges we face in our marriages, we can face similar ones with God. The opportunity we have is to get to know what moves God. What is His love language and then we give that to Him.
This is the opportunity of a lifetime as everything we need in life is found in Jesus; therefore, knowing His love language is huge for everything that connects to us. Yet, it’s so easy to find ourselves in one room talking to God, and He’s in a different room trying to connect with us. What’s crazy is, the Pharisees and Sadducees knew the scripture by memory and still didn’t recognize Jesus in front of their faces, why? I believe their minds were stimulated with the bible, but their hearts were disconnected from Him. This is easy to do today and it happens all the time.
This is why our marriages can reflect this truth with God. We can be married, know our spouse in what they do, how they respond, their habits and more and not be connected to their heart. In fact, it’s possible to know all these things and be completely disconnected from our spouse and be in the middle of a dying relationship, but why? Because again, if we’re not connected heart to heart, we’re growing apart.
Notice what Matthew says in chapter 22:37 –
“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.”
This emphasizes we love Jesus with ALL our heart, soul and mind, which means, it’s possible to love Him with our minds and not our hearts.
So, what is the love language of God?
I believe it’s people. It’s that simple. Jesus came to seek and to save those who are lost (Luke 19:10).
So the way we love and treat others is a reflection of the way we love and treat Him. Our attitudes toward others that look different, act different, live different, talk different, and vote different reflect our attitude toward God. I say it this way, how can we love a God we can’t see, but hate someone we do see? This should not be, but it happens way too much in Christians and in churches.
It’s my conviction that every church should reflect the love language of Jesus and express it with open arms, open doors, acceptance, a desire to grow and to do everything possible to reach others. Period!
This is why we don’t have time to debate between big church or small church, or lights or no lights, or this model or that model, when the love language of God is people. He wants us to leave our preferred room and go into the room where He is and then be changed by His love. He wants us to lay down our resistance and to set aside our distractions and model His love language to those around us.
So practically, I love people at His standard for me, not their standard toward me. I don’t play petty games with others, but rather I choose to maximize the game of life through the love of God.
What could happen if Christ followers everywhere would go into the room where God is, connect with His heart and begin reaching out to those around them? I believe whole cities and beyond could be saved. So please hear me, reading the bible, having good community, great worship and times in His presence are momentous in our faith; however, if it doesn’t translate to how we love others, then something is disconnected. This includes Christian to Christian, church to church and Christian to Non-Christian. It’s full circle of our world and I know what I’m writing about today, happens way too often.
We must choose to know the love language of God and connect with it and serve Him through it.
So I ask you, how are you doing with God’s love language?
Are you trying to get God to come into your room of preference, when He’s asking you to go into His room?
Please don’t just settle to have your mind stimulated, let your heart be open and burn ablaze with passion of God, which translates to how we love people. Just like He reached for you, He’s wanting you to reach for others. Just like He gave grace to you, He’s wanting you to give grace to others. Just like He takes time for you, He’s wanting you to take time for others. So move forward. Let God’s love language be yours. Choose to serve Him where He is, just like we’re called to do with our spouse.
This is how we live. This is how we make a difference and this how we live out our faith.
Have a great week and may you thrive in His love language,