For Better or For Worse

Are you married? No matter your answer, please keep reading! This blog will encourage you as it speaks to where you are and where you will be. God knows you and every detail of your life matters to Him.

One of the greatest connections we have is through marriage. It’s the blending of two people becoming one as they share their hearts, their dreams and their purpose together. It’s the forging of trust, unity and faith that can cause a marriage to impact generations to come. Think about it, what a couple does today impacts both of them and others in the decades to come. This truth is amazing and overwhelming as we think about the potential of marriage and the potential of messing it up. In truth, anyone who is married or who has been married knows we all mess it up at times with a variety of issues, yet our marriages can make it through the grace and mercy of God. The power of two imperfect people building their lives through a perfect savior, is greater than anything against them! Therefore, whether you’re married, single, divorced or widowed God sees you and His heart is beating toward you with love and purpose in this moment. Nothing can separate you from His love and what He started He will complete.

For Better or For Worse is a vow couples use all over the world. It pledges fidelity, loyalty and love no matter what. Now in the moment we say this we’re feeling head-over-heels in love toward our spouse, but then life happens and the feeling of love of fades. Have you been here? Everyone’s love story has been in these moments, as it’s a part of the process of growing together and growing in love. Often times we think love is feeling-based and that the honeymoon will always be there but that’s not reality. God’s plan is that our love goes past feeling into our decision of, “For Better or For Worse.” When love translates to a decision, anything can happen as it touches a deeper place within us. We all know that feelings come and go and on many days they fluctuate all over the place. So, if we do marriage like this, we’ll be on a roller coaster that seeks to prove who is right and who is wrong. We’ll jokey for power and seek our way no matter what, and when this happens our reason to be married is buried and many times the marriage is buried too. Our enemy knows the power we have when we marry our spouse, so his agenda is to divide, conquer and destroy, but Jesus is greater than all of that and when we make a decision “For Better or For Worse” we can be under His protection.

However, some reading this have gone through divorce or maybe loss. Others were engaged and it ended before the wedding. Others are married and struggling and then some are doing great in their marriage. No matter where you find yourself, God has new beginnings for you and His grace and mercy gives us the chance to do our best and to see His redemption for our lives. There’s always hope in Jesus!

One of the biggest parts of this is giving our anger to God. If you think about martial struggles, there is always anger to deal with whether in the moment or beyond. How we deal with being offended toward our spouse will determine so much in our own heart and in the heart of our marriage. Yes, being offended is being angry and we all deal with this in our lives, so how do we move ahead?

I believe one of the things we can do is found in Ephesians 4:26-27 –

“26. And ‘don’t sin by letting anger control you.’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”

Ephesians 4:26-27

Notice that anger gives a foothold to the devil which means, it gives him a place and power in our lives. This happens to Christians and non-Christians alike as we all have to face anger. We all have to navigate it with the love of God so we overcome its trap. Many marriages erode from anger, as it plagues the heart from loving and it points the finger of blame to who was wrong. When this happens the marriages becomes self-absorbed, only thinking about the individual perspective and what’s best only for one person in the marriage. This brings a myriad of consequences and yet Jesus empowers us to conquer anger so we move through it into greater areas of love. Your marriage can make it and anger can be defeated when you make the decision, “For Better or For Worse.”

So, what can we do to tackle anger? In our verses we see two big things we all can start doing today.

First, we don’t let anger control us. Now this is easier said than done yet if we break this down, all of us can move forward. Think about the phrase “control you” as it speaks to something dictating what you do and how you respond. What we can do is choose who is going to be in control of our lives; therefore, making Jesus Lord is huge. This means His commands, His will, His word, His heart and His way are my boundaries. Anything else is rejected from my life. When I make this decision I choose to respond as He wants me to, making anger bow it’s knee to what Jesus has for me. So for example, when I argue with my wife, I choose to be humble and apologize first as needed. I seek to make sure we both are right verses proving which one of us is right. I choose to forgive quickly, moving forward from the argument toward peace. These few things I do to remind myself who I obey and who I choose to live my life for. When I do this, I become better and my marriage becomes better.

Who is controlling you? It’s my encouragement you let God control your life and no one else. Let His expectations for you, elevate you to another place of love and commitment to your spouse.

Second, we don’t harbor anger through the night. Please know, there are times when our anger won’t be resolved before we go to bed; however, we can apologize or begin the mending process before we go to bed. This is important since so many couples drift a part through anger physically. They stop sleeping in the same bed. They stake their claim at who is right and demand their own space. They stop touching each other with affection, intimacy and affirmation making them roommates instead of lovers and partners in this life. This is devastating to any marriage and it begins with holding onto anger through the night. It can start small but over time, it snowballs into a frigid marriage that is ripe for wrong things. Yet, God has better for us!

One thing we do in our marriage is always apologize to each other before we go to sleep. We do not go to bed, not talking or not owning our part in something. Now, this doesn’t mean the issue is resolved but at least we’re moving toward resolution by being humble to each other. This sets the stage for us to move forward and not let anger control us. Just think, a simple “I’m sorry for saying that” or “I was wrong with this” can bring healing and reconciliation to the conflict. Our marriages are too important for us to live controlled by anger. Our lives in Christ have too much impact to allow anger to dictate what we do. Our legacy for decades to come is too big to allow small problems to rule our heart. God has more for us and our marriages; therefore, we must make the decision “For Better or For Worse.”

Are you going to bed angry? It’s my encouragement you make this change tonight and take the lead toward resolution.

Jesus has miracles for your marriage and you have what it takes to love your spouse the way God has intended. So make the decision “For Better or For Worse” and let God fill in the gaps. Let God make the difference and where you can’t, He can!

I believe in you and I know that with Jesus, nothing is impossible.

Have a great week and the best is yet to come,
PD